what is wrong with me lately... everything has been pissing me off... maybe I'm pms-ing... I hope that would be it... then maybe in a few days I'll be better... I cant even really tell Eric what's been pissing me off... and I know what it is... but It never pissed me off like this before.... thats why I'm hoping its just pms... Like I'll be in the middle of a conversation with him... and then he just like disappears... and I have no clue where in the hell he went... and then he really pissed me off last night because he turned his phone off on me.... and then he wouldnt tell me why... just that it was a really bad time... and something about getting sick from taco bell and cursing on the front steps of a church... and he'll start to say things and then he wont finish them "you dont wanna know" well fuck! if you dont wanna tell me then dont fucking tell me! because when you do that it makes me curious and if you wont tell me then it pisses me off!

I love him, I really do... and I'm mad at myself for being bitchy about it... but I cant help it... He says he misses the "old rachel"... as in the lovey dovey me... but I hadnt been because I wasnt feeling well... but then earlier today I was feeling great... and I was just being my usually nutty, lovey, I wanna kiss him and hug him and cuddle with him self... and then he ran off... and so it kinda annoyed me... and I dunno... I really dont know what in the hell to think right now... uuugh... I mean I'm glad he's home and can go see his friend a lot now and he isnt stuck at home... but I work all day and then he disappears most of the afternoon and then he goes to his friends all night, and then wakes me up after midnight and I can barely hold a conversation for the first like 15 minutes cause I am half asleep... and then after I wake up he falls asleep! Geez!

He misses the Old Rachel.... and I miss talking to him... and i just dont think he is getting that.... then again I havent told him.... maybe I should...