Current mood: uncomfortable

Current music: wonderful, yet scary silence

Current attire: work clothes

siigh... what is wrong? what is right?... is Christian right? or am I naive?... is it wrong to be with someone of the same gender? or does it really matter?... are there really mortal sins? if so, what are they?... why does love hurt so much? why is it so painful to be alone?... will my family accept me if I am not as they are?... wouldnt that defeat "unconditional love" if they dont?... why are people so afraid of being different?... why do I want to be me so badly, but being me makes me nothing like everything I have ever known?... how can it not matter to me whether or not I am like everyone else, yet it hurts me to see the look in there eyes when I tell them I am who I am?.... why are children always so afraid of what their parents think?... wouldnt it be easier to know who your child really is?... how can someone treat a gift, such as a child or animal, like they dont matter in this world?... how can people take their anger out on living things who cannot defend themselves?... why does noone enjoy the sound of the rain, or the way tires sound on gravel, or even the sound of horses hooves on the ground?... how can people be so dishonest if they believe in telling the truth?... why are people hipacrates?... why do people cling so hard to someone they love when that someone doesnt love them?... if the sayings in the Bible are true, and Redemption is near... why is it so hard for people to understand?... how can someone who wants so badly to feel the warmth of God find so many things that they just cant stomach?... how is it that I see the wonders of the world and of the stars, and I want to know and understand them, but I dont want them to be probed and proded and ripped from their homes just for knowledge? why cant we learn these things and leave the earth intact?... why do decisions that I made when I was five years old still hold strong 15 years later?... why do I feel so happy at times, but so much sadness in the next instant?... why am I so emotional, yet I strive to be so strong?.... why are things the way they are? what are the reasons? how did they come to be?