I dont know that I necessarily need someone to talk to now... I just mainly want to get my thoughts down... it helps my thinking process... ya know? anyways... I talked to Shawn tonight... I still like him so much... I am actually kinda sad that he made that vow to be single for a year, but I can live with that... I seriously can... I'm happy that he has finally gone to God... I'm happy that he's happy... know what I mean? but yea we talked about some stuff that happened a few days ago, that really shouldnt have happened... and I told him what happened between me and JohnT... and I even told him why JohnT wants to kill him... and then we talked some about the way my life has gone since I stopped going to church... and he asked me if maybe I was willing to change again... I am... but I told him I wanna maybe try to do it mostly on my own this time... I'm just that kind of person... I get so much joy out of making the decisions myself, instead of getting coaxed into them or whatever... he seemed kinda proud of me cause I didnt curse the whole time we were on the phone... I get that from the fact that he brought it up... and I asked him if we could just start over... cause we kinda just got off on the wrong foot this go round... and he said he was hoping to just forget all of that anyways... I said I was glad cause I never know what to think after something like that happens and I didnt want him to think badly or any less of me for it... and I dunno... I just really think that if I just be the good girl that I normally am and wait it out, maybe I'll finally get him once his year is over... cause I mean I have always had a thing for him, and its just gotten so much more since I ran into him again...