Why do I always fuck everything in my life up? I mean I know it's not all my fault... but I still feel badly about it... I pretty much have no father, which means my college carrer is going to be put oh hold for a while... which means I have to try to find a full time job.... or at least a well paying part time... I wanna maybe try to get a job as a keeper at the zoo... its been one of the things I have always wanted to do anyway.... then my boyfriend broke up with me... his ex came back into play... that sux... my maw maw is back in the hospital... so my worry wart button has been activated.... and then one of my best girlfriends joined the Navy.... she leaves on the 29th.... she said she is gonna write me everyday... but I dont expect her too... just every now and then :-) I am gonna miss her so much... but I am happy for her... I dunno... life doesnt really suck that much... I just have a lot on my mind right now.... Thanks for listening though...



ok ok ok... I just saw something in a friends entry that I believe was about me... so I have decided to adress it... I think its more of a misunderstanding than anything... so I just wanna maybe try to make a little sense of it... ok so here goes... she said that there is a friend that she tries to be there for, but that they dont seem to appriciate it and that she's probably going to just stop worrying about it... well, heres the deal... its not that I dont appriciate it, really I do... its just that for the last like month every waking hour I wasnt at work I was with John... and then when I was home, we didnt have a phone line... and my friend lives a pretty good distance away... and then my cell phone keeps getting turned off... so It's not that I dont care about her... I just havent had the chance or ability to really talk to her or anything lately... I really do miss talking to her... things are kinda quieting down for me a little... well.. quieting wasnt the right word... but hey, at least I can get online every now and then and maybe talk to her...and everyone else for that matter... I dont talk to too many people anymore... the people I work with and like one other person are about it...and most of the time the only time i get to talk to that one other person is when I am checking out at Wal Mart cause she is a cashier there... and if it's something that I said or didnt say while I was talking to my friend one of the rare occasions in the past while that I have been on... I am sorry... sometimes I say stupid things... and sometimes I just dont know what to say... its not that I dont care about her or appriciate her... i just dont know what to say... but now that I am living back at home with my momz... I'll at least be able to update my diary every now and then... and make sure she knows I havent forgotton about her... I'm just really busy right now...