current music: Sister Hazel - Your Winter

What is my problem? Why am I so upset?!! And over a guy! A guy who I am always fighting with at that!! I dont understand myself sometimes... Why does it hurt so much to find out that you screwed up your chances with a guy who treats you like shit and who you are always fighting with?! I guess cause I always have had a soft spot for him... when he's not being mean, I like the way he talks to me and touches me... But that isnt very often... I've always just loved the feeling of being in his arms... even tho he has never done it for more than a few seconds... like when we'd lay in his bed and he's slide his hand down my stonach and hug me... i loved that... I would wish that he would just stay like that... but he never would... as soon as he'd do that he'd let go... he'd either roll over and go to sleep, or he'd start tickling me, or trying to do *other stuff*... for some reason his skin always felt so good on mine... but nothing nice ever lasted long... when things were good... they were REALLY good... they just kinda felt right.... but when they werent.... when they werent I would feel like i wanted to die... It would upset me sooo much... I've cried so many times over this guy.... and i seriously dunno why it bothers me to know that now theres a definite *I'll never date him*... I outta just go out and start choppin off my hair and tattooing myself everywhere and piercing all over the place and sleepin with all kindsa people... rebellion... its something i need right now... and the pain it'll all bring me will be a nice release for all my anger and sadness...

DO AS DOBBY DO.... DOBBY MUST BE PUNISHED!

a nice big gash here and another slice there... burn a big ass *B* somewhere on my body... Go totally Goth... Black hair (which i plan to do anyways as soon as i get the time)... black eye makeup and lipstick... black clothes (mostly what i wear anyway)... black nails (got the polish already)... I've already got the white skin goin... chains and black leather... silver accessories (not a problem)... write *FUCK THE WORLD* on my forehead...