i've got alot of shit on my mind... how can i be so dumb and blind?! whats done is done... if i could undo it i would... and yet again i lose something important to me... "just friends"... have you heard the song "Friend is a four letter word" by Cake... yea thats about hwo i feel right now... oh well.. its my stupidness... one of these days I'll meet someone who doesnt cause me to do stupid things... if he had just said something... none of this would have ever happened... but when you keep saying that you dont want to be with me.... even if you are just testing me... i start to believe it.... especially after so long... its been since around January... if i had just held off until next week... then maybe i would know for sure... if i had gotten the chance to be with him... i would have been so happy... i wouldnt have even needed to look anymore... i wouldnt have wanted to look... I already dont... because he's the only person i see... and I got so tired of it... because he's the only person I've seen since January... and by seen i mean REALLY SEEN... when I have been with others... i would cry about it... i would wish it were him... I felt horrible... but the one thing that hurts more than anything in the world is to feel that way about someone and then to hear that they dont feel the same for you.... and then what hurts the worse is to 5 months later once you've given up and decided to move on... then you find out the whole thing was just a cover up... that they did feel the same... but now since you've moved on and "fucked up" you now have screwed yourself... what can i say... i wish i were dead... I fuck everything up... with everyone and everything... i must be a worthless piece of garbage that just somehow ended up on earth by accident instead of on God's big pile of messups.... oh well... I'll get over it just in time to screw my next possible relationship up...