i really feel horrible... Eric and I finally got to talk... it's all mixed up now... I really do miss him... I really do love him... and he thinks I want him out of my life... which isnt true... but I also cant live with it if things stay the way they are... I never know where he is... I never can find him... for a week i cant find him anywhere... he wont answer his phone... wont respond to my emails... what am i supposed to think... he blocked me because a friend bet him he couldnt keep all girls blocked for a week... and well.. if thats true... thats fine... but he should have let me know... and he hasnt been answering his phone because he is always around people who are asleep.. thats ok too... but he could at least call me back... and now... I dunno... earlier i saw his away message was

"of all the times in my life I've wanted to die, this one is the worst"

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and then today.... his away message and his profile...

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Away Message: i am long dead without her.

Profile: visit my site :-)

***you know you really love someone when you realize this: that your love for them is both as small as your heart, and even bigger than the universe*** - trust me, never take that for granted... someone may take it away from you.

you'll see our chalices rise, with ever endless tears...

linkin park, ill nino, and puddle of mudd... DEC. 8th in indianapolis, i'll be there, will you?

h|o|r|r|o|r is my drug

i lost what was dearest to my heart :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(

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and i can't call him... i thought he didnt want me anymore... i dont have his number anymore... I mean i could get it from my bill.... but I had to give it to the phone company to fix my long distance charges... so I dont have it.... :(