And I cry again, What is it that I want?!!
Everytime I think I know... Something comes along and hinders me...
I want to stop cursing... and the next word out of my mouth is as such...
I want to move so that I may better achieve my dreams, and then more things keep me home...
I want to save my money... and then bills X10 lay at my door...
I want to stay awake all night so that I may watch the sun rise... and someone shoo's me off to my room...
I want to finish my work earli, so that I may call a friend... and a co-worker leaves without finishing his work and I'm the only one left to do it...
I want to loose a few pounds so that I may look nice for someone special to me... and another plate is set before me...
I want to firm up my stomach so that I may feel better in my fitted clothes, yet I put it off another day...
I want to be with that someone special... only he lives so far away that sometimes I wonder if it will ever happen...
I want to be at peace with my past... yet it still brings me to tears...
I want to heal my relationship with my father, yet I never seem to drive to his house...
I want to be in-love, I know that I am... yet I continue to tell myself sometimes that I dont deserve happiness...
I want to rip my hair out in frustration at times.... but someone always holds my hands down...
I want to go on a rampage and break everything in site... and then someone hugs me....
then I cry and need a hug.... and noone hears me...
So I sit alone... drowned in my thoughts and tears... and I wonder...
Why can't I allow myself to be happy....
And why do I get what I need when I can do without it...
But when I need it the most it's never there...