Current mood: asi asi

Current music: the hum that comes along with silence.... which is part of why there really is no silence

Current sttire: ring day tshirt, black jazz pants from when i was in hisgh school (cooomphy) and a blakc hoodie

I seem to like making you read my conversations..... MUA HAHAHAAAAAA

deathzone_d: hey girl

superrbugg: hey

deathzone_d: how are ya?

superrbugg: i'm ok

deathzone_d: you ok?

deathzone_d: life been good?

deathzone_d: or bad?

superrbugg: both

superrbugg: u?

deathzone_d: same kinda

deathzone_d: I guess

deathzone_d: but i take it you are feeling bad?

superrbugg: no...

superrbugg: just blah

superrbugg: confused

superrbugg: ya know?

deathzone_d: oh yeah i know the feeling....I am always like that but why are you so blah today?

deathzone_d: work?

deathzone_d: guys

deathzone_d: ?

superrbugg: kent

deathzone_d: oh well

deathzone_d: I kinda had a feeling

deathzone_d: what happened

superrbugg: sigh... how long are you gonna be on

deathzone_d: ummm i dunno

deathzone_d: why?

superrbugg: cause.... if you really wanna know... it might take me a while... plus id like to finish what I'm working on before i tell u

superrbugg: which may be like 5 minutes

deathzone_d: oh that bad?

deathzone_d: ick

deathzone_d: well I mean I dont know how long but you can still tell me and if I have to go you can just email the rest and I can email you back.....at least I have gotten better about that...

superrbugg: lol yea...

superrbugg: well hold on a few minutes lemme finish what i am doin

superrbugg: and then I'll tell u k

deathzone_d: ok then..that will work

superrbugg: ok....

superrbugg: *sigh* here we go.....

deathzone_d: that bad?

deathzone_d: ok

superrbugg: well.. firstly I've been aggricated because some days I do lucky to get him to talk to me at all... and others he's the sweetest thing.....

superrbugg: and well... yesturday I wasnt home most of the day, but I noticed he hadnt been online... he's always on

superrbugg: and I went somewhere and when i came back Betsy (one of my best) had messaged me telling me he started talking to her...

deathzone_d: oh...

deathzone_d: ok

superrbugg: this sparked a lil curiosity because she said he was still on and my lists said nada

superrbugg: come to find out he had blocked me off of EVERYTHING

deathzone_d: the hell?

superrbugg: this the day after he's telling me how much he likes me....

deathzone_d: well what the fuck?

superrbugg: so i got on one of my other names and sent him a msg "what do you not like me anymore? cause i can think of no other reason for you to block me... oh wait... whatever because if you have to block me then you arent worth my time *gasp*"

superrbugg: and i got back on my reg name.... he sent me a msg later "you butt!"and i told him he was too and askied himwhat i did? and he said "nothing" so i asked then why block me.... wanna know what he had the balls to tell me?

deathzone_d: what?

superrbugg: "i just blocked you, i was seeing if my block feature worked and i forgot to unblock you" bull f-ing shit.... he had been on all damn day..... maybe he doesnt know but aim has this little feature called an onilne timer... it shows you how long people have been online

deathzone_d: ummm.....well that should signal something.....

deathzone_d: ok

deathzone_d: well i know I am not a pro in this dept.

deathzone_d: but....

superrbugg: and THEN once i dicredited him... he told me he did it just because he didnt feel like talking that day

deathzone_d: ummm well I know you are a very cool person and you can have anyone you want.......other then BEN....

superrbugg: and i told him "well you should have just said "i dont feel like talking today" cause you know i would have gotten the hint!"

superrbugg: (btw... Ben wants me to move to Shreveport and get an apt with him LOL)

superrbugg: dont worry i aint gonna

superrbugg: anyway... so we went round and round about he shouldnt have blocked me because it was uncalled for and it makes me feel like i am getting played... and that he's lucky to ever get a girl so why would he play me etc etc... yada yada yada

deathzone_d: yeah....I can see where this is going...

deathzone_d: I know i dont know all the stuff about relationships but why do you put up with it? I mean this isn't the first offense is it?

superrbugg: i was so damn worked up my heart was beating a million times a minute and my face was red... i was even shaking....

deathzone_d: I have had only one relationship....and after that I just said NO MORE...and that is still the way it is going to be for a very long time....

superrbugg: he was like "next time i dont wanna talk i'll just tell you... i promise i wont hide...... tell me why you're so worked up... please... i care"

superrbugg: and duh... it was because he just ignores me all the damn time

superrbugg: so I'm still speaking to him.... but right now thats about it....

deathzone_d: but like i said....fuck the bullshit and he is trying to see what you are going to do next.....just find another guy babe....I mean you are very attractive and you are a good person I mean shit, all guys are jerks dont get me wrong.....but there are few good one

superrbugg: i even took him off of my messengers... i can no longer see if he is online... he HAS to msg me

deathzone_d: the fuck....

superrbugg: and i will NOT go visit him again until he comes here.............................

deathzone_d: well.....damn.....

deathzone_d: I can see you point....but he is a jerk just like the rest of em

deathzone_d: (guys)

superrbugg: and if he ever wants a "long term relationship" or anything other than me barely speaking to him....... he's gotta work his ass off... and show me he isnt playing me and he really cares.......

superrbugg: and in the meantime... if i find someone else... oh well... his loss

superrbugg: well... technically the first thing that went down between us was a misunderstanding...

superrbugg: but hell, if something is gonna happen once every few weeks... thats too much

deathzone_d: well make him earn it but dont go back to him that fast I mean you can find another guy babe...like i said do what you think is right I have only dated one girl and that is it I have stayed single for ever.........but it does get lonley and I know i took the wrong path......but dont give into him....just look else where its not marriage or long-term

superrbugg: I'm not looking anymore... really

superrbugg: if something comes to be... great...

superrbugg: if not... oh well.... more money and time to spemd on what I want and need

deathzone_d: lol...

superrbugg: seriously...... i'm tired of all the games....

superrbugg: i'm tired of getting walked on.... I'm tired of getting hurt... i'm tired of feeling like and/or being smeones "backup"............

deathzone_d: I know

deathzone_d: I have been there and I just said fuck it.....why dont you wait for a guy to come to you

superrbugg: i care too easily baout people... and all it does in the long run is disappoint and hurt me.... I've tried to not care... but it seems like i cant.... i care about people... i dont know how not to

deathzone_d: I know

superrbugg: so i guess i need to spend a little more time working on figuring out how to not care so much about jerks....

deathzone_d: well no....I mean when I talked to you I knew you were a pretty cool person

superrbugg: yea....

deathzone_d: ok

deathzone_d: and I know that when I did talk to you, you had a great personality and that you were pretty neat....then I got to know you and you seem like a really great person.....If any guy does shit to you like Kent did, they are no worth your time.....there are guys that would kill for a girl like you....

superrbugg: i just feel like..... I'm a good person... i think I'd make a good gf to someone.... a good wife one day... I am fun,,, I'm not a party animal tho.... I am more of a nurturer i guess... and I'll do pretty much anything I can for my guy... I'm the kind of person who stands by them ya know... but I'm not afraid of them.... I'll tell a guy if i think he's full of shit.... maybe not in front of anyone... but I will..... but it seems like guys just want me for ass you know? which thats a large part of why I dont do anything anymore.... kissing is now as far as I'll go..... uuugh... i wish guys would grow up...........................

superrbugg: thanks..... you're pretty cool yourself ya know

deathzone_d: well.....

deathzone_d: Ok well I understand the entire concept of being lonley and I know that you have good traits for being a sign. other but guy are more of a roust about

deathzone_d: they dont want to be tied down

deathzone_d: but there are some

deathzone_d: like I said i would look around for a guy that like you for you

superrbugg: I'm just so ready to get on with the rest of my life...

superrbugg: i thought kent did like me for me...

superrbugg: but he's so damn confusing with all the mixed signals he sends me...

deathzone_d: hmmm....

deathzone_d: well this last signal should be the last.....

superrbugg: i dont know.... i really just dont know............. like i said... i care too easily... which makes things hard... because my brain is saying "he's a jerk.. let him go" and my heart is saying "he's just confused.... give him a chance... you've seen how comfortable you are with him and how happy you are when you are around him"

superrbugg: *bangs head against desk* i dont know

deathzone_d: damn.....do you have any friends that are girls

deathzone_d: ?

superrbugg: a few

superrbugg: my 2 main.. one's 16 and the other is my age, but she's been with her guy for 6 years

superrbugg: they're a friggin fairytale practically *envious*

deathzone_d: lol well i was going to say hang with them and dont worry about guys.....I mean do what Rachel wants to do...you might have another guy like you from another point

deathzone_d: so just be open minded

superrbugg: i'm trying... really.... i am

superrbugg: its hard for someone who's been a pleaser all her life

deathzone_d: I know.....All I can say is that I can pray for you and that I will try to help you as much as I can....Everytime I talk to you I always hear bad news about a guy......I mean a guy..... I know how you feel and I will try to help you....

superrbugg: thanks... and hopefully one of these days i wont be all bad news

deathzone_d: It wont....

deathzone_d: I know there is going to be a guy that will want you for who you are....and not anything physical.....maybe LOVE

superrbugg: i hope

deathzone_d: it will be ok I dont know what to do about Kent though.....where is he at now?

superrbugg: he lives in Lafayette.... where is is at this precise moment... i havent the foggiest

deathzone_d: oh.....well is he online?

deathzone_d: wait...

superrbugg: i dunno

deathzone_d: nevermind

deathzone_d: you told me

deathzone_d: well....Like i said i wouldnt wait on him....

deathzone_d: and dont go to Ben!

deathzone_d: ick i still hate him

superrbugg: <-- not!

deathzone_d: good.... anyways

deathzone_d: Kent sounds like a regular jerk...I wouldnt care for him even thought i know you have a caring problem.....just kinda put it off....do you care for Ben as much as you do now?

superrbugg: i still care about him... we're still friends.... but I'm not willing to travel for him....

superrbugg: i only talk to him when he calls me, and i ony see him when he is passing thru gonzales

deathzone_d: well he is alright he just seemed like a real big ass sometimes and he didnt treat you right....

superrbugg: i know

deathzone_d: but all guys are if you think about it.....like i said I know you are a good person and you do care....Guy will just take that for granted

superrbugg: thanks... *hug* you're sweet ya know that