Current mood: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Current music: Adult Swim

Current attire: jeans and a black halter

I need to talk to someone... see a while back I was a sort of "Jesus freak to be" i guess you could say... I was really happy with it all... and then when I moved up to Natchitoches, I just stopped going to church all together... for a while i was still the same as before... just minus the church visits... but then i started to turn... I started having sex and cursing, etc... and then for a while i went back into a depression... partly because of a guy I met... he has some emotional problems of his own... and he loved bringing all the shit from my childhood back into focus... he brought out every little fault I have and tried to tell me why I have that fault... it's like I was reliving my past the amount he made me talk about it... and since i got home from school, I have eliminated all of the drama in my life... it was really nice... i was happy again... only I wasnt with God... I was still having sex and i started drinking a little etc... but then a few days ago I in a way 'met' a guy named Shawn... I've known him since middle school... but he is a completely different than he was in school... and I have pretty much always liked him... and being back around him... i still like him... and I like him sooo much more than I did in school... I wanna be good again... i wanna go back to God... I wanna go to church with him when he asks... but i am kinda intimidated about it... like for some reason I feel like unless I am a radical and extreme Christian like some of the people he hangs out with are... that I will be looked at as not good enough.... I have always felt that way in church... and it shouldnt be that way... noone should pass judgement on another person... and then lately I have started learning about other ways of life... I do believe in God... I believe in the Bible and in Jesus and in the good morals that they stand for... but I'm not 100% sure that it works for me... but I want to be with Shawn... even tho I feel that it may never happen... we're going in two different directions in the way we practice our beliefs.... and then he is on this whole "no girlfriend, full abstinance" thing.... and.... i just dont know... i really dont..... grrr.... i need to sort my mind and my thoughts out..... anyways.... i gotta get... chao!