I just had an idea... I might just be being really stupid and foolish... or maybe really pathetic... but I feel I need to... I need to see him... and I dont know what to do... I wanna cry so badly... I'm expecting myself to pick up the phone at any time and call him... damn I wish my cell was working... I hate him so damn much... But I love him so damn much... with every other guy that fell thru I got over it... I would laugh and be out hanging with friends... I just cant bring myself to do that... I wanna cry... I wanna drive up there right now and just fall at his feet and cry and beg and plead that he'll forgive me and give me another chance... I'm so afraid that if I do that he wont forgive me... and everything that I have been feeling... everything... in vain... My life would be over... how can someone go on after something like that?... I really just dont know... I need him so much... I want him to know how much he means to me... I could lose my job, get disowned by my family, have all my friends turn against me, and never be able to show my face in this town again... and I would be ok with that... if he were by my side, I would be ok...

I would be ok...