siigh... I'm not sure what i should do... I mean i do believe I love him... but i'm just so confused... and its frustrating me... if he came and visted me... even for a day... I would pack up in an instnt and follow him everywhere... It wouldnt matter to me... cause then I'd know he really did love me.... i swear he's the man of my dreams... and if he isnt... he's damn near it...

I feel like I've been suck a jerk to him... but thats just how I am when i am frustrated... I would like to at least know the line of thought going on in his head about it... but i rarely hear anything at all... i rarely even hear from him anymore... and it's quite frankly eating at me... and then when i do... i hear things I dont want to hear..... things like if he comes and doesnt stay in school he'll get disowned... and that he's not sure he's ready to be on his own.... and sometimes it sounds like he's making excuses for not thinking about it... or at least telling me.... and sometimes I hate it because I'm not even around him and it's hurting me..... it's really hurting me,,,

I'm sure tomorrow I'll apoligize for being a jerk... and I'll mean it... because i really want him... and i want him to want me... and I hope and pray for us to work out someday... even tho part of me is saying to just forget about it... it'll never happen... I'll never be happy... it's too good to be true... he doesnt want you... move on with your life.... and sometimes I want to take that path too.... I'm so confused

so very confused